still a bit blind...

oh how i want your gaze to hold.
with your blue eyes so awfully bold,
you're drawing me in.

and your smile, which ever persists.
your passion's too strong to resist
i'm falling for you.

but i don't want to jump blindly into things
cause i'm scared of the consequences.

i've frustrated things before
i'm begging you don't try this door.
there's a reason i keep it locked.

but if you won't desist.
then might i cautiously insist
that you guard your heart

i don't want to jump blindly into things
so please don't give me that chance.
you know that you deserve much better
than this half-hearted organ.

i don't want to jump blindly into things
so i'm not going to jump this fence.
but you're a girl i can see myself with
and i can't seem to shake that thought

i refuse to jump without God's consent,
and right now he's saying no.



maybe i exaggerate situations a bit. but it makes for a decent song.

more than watchmen

it's a touch difficult to rest in your providence
when it means your will be done, not mine.

i promise my trust will not abate.
and even though it's tough to yield,
your timing, jesus, i await
more than watchmen wait for the morning,
more than watchmen wait for the morning.

ignite, reignite

i've been quivering inside this
shell of cute comments.
it's what carries me through the hours.
yeah the outside brilliance is so compelling,
the release of hope.

one of these days,
i'll put down the gas can for good;
leave this smouldering mess behind.
and i swear,
i'll never let you bring a lighter near me again.
you can keep your damn sparks to yourself.

convenience is terminally pending;
it hides between the chapters of a faded
rulebook so audaciously outdated:
guidelines to a fairy tale ending.
my heart, itself, is rendering.

and if you dare think twice,
you'll see it has its own weakened seams,
as weak as your wildest dreams.
but it's you who loads the dice,
and you always aim to entice.

context being awhile back, not recently. but my thoughts nonetheless

schizophrenia would be a better metaphor

and i wouldn't say i'm going out of my mind
because of the synonymy,
but this insanity is growing on me

nervous

i will blame my nervous disposition
on my sympathetic state
my radial is through the roof
my pupils massively dilate
if all these nerves traversed just through
my spinal cord, bypassed my brain,
i'd stop this mindless chattering,
i'd understand where you are coming from.

if only i could simplify
these polyrhythmic passing phases
i'm sure you could decipher them
as my logic slowly raises
arguments and arguments for
why i can't find solace now
but none of it is feasible
please don't turn and ask me why or how

you make me so nervous
i just tend to react when i'm near you
you make me so nervous
my reflexes countering your every move

cause your voice is more than air and chords
your eyes not just your retinae.
stop looking with your optic nerves
please see right where my thoughts do lie.
my mind's an awful secretary
it loses files and loses lines:
misplacing how i want things now,
tacking up these memos i don't write.

you make me so nervous
i just tend to react when i'm near you
you make me so nervous
my reflexes countering your every move

and i'm exiting my comfort zone,
something fairly new to me.
i'm letting loose my firm anchor,
and drifting to an unclear sea.
i'm scared i'll be a nervous wreck
tossed about by careless tide.
but i'll find security
with God who's always right here by my side.

i find your love

and on the stormy nights of life,
when my loneliness envelopes me,
i am reminded that you persevere
and you pursue so passionately.
my personal shortcomings don't matter,
and my defiance is no longer my remedy.
the shell i crawl into, you easily shatter
and shaking in my vulnerability,

i find your love, Jesus
when i surrender this pathetic game.
i find your love, Jesus
healing the ever-swelling pain.
i find your love, Jesus
it covers every inch of my skin.
now that i've finally let your elegance in
i find your love.

and when there's thunder in the sky
and malicious lies overwhelm me.
i like to think about your sacrifice,
of which you gave so selflessly.
i feel unworthy of your saving grace,
like i still owe you some colossal fee.
it's selfish pride that binds my eyes so terribly tight,
but now that i can finally see,

i find your love, Jesus
when i surrender this pathetic game.
i find your love, Jesus
healing the ever-swelling pain.
i find your love, Jesus
it covers every inch of my skin.
now that i've finally let your elegance in
i find your love.